While I am still living at home with my beloved catties, Tobey & Cleo....
......My brothers felt the need to rebel against the feline pet market and went for DOGS!!
Yogi Bear - the Rodeshian Ridgeback
Coco Pops - the Blue Whippet
Hunny Loops - the Miniature Daschund
Special names I know.....
Anywhoo.... this story is about Coco, the incredibly speedy and uncatchable Whippet.
When Coco was a 'teenage' dog she was ridiculously hyperactive and quite uncontrollable.... but always lovely and good natured blah blah blah.
My friends Jemma, Jamie and I were about to go on a picnic to Richmond Park, as it was a lovely warm day and we figured why the heck not. I, had a brief relapse in judgement, and quite stupidly suggested we take Coco.
Having had some food and cracked open our ciders we were in full picnic mode. Coco, however was watching all the other dogs galloping around gleefully and was looking a little restless.
Nervously, we decided to let her off her lead.
Now, if you have visited Richmond Park you will know that it is not your average park. It is approximately 10 square Km in size. And I had just unleashed a WHIPPET, effectively a racing dog, into this vast grassland. OH CRAP
Whippet Stat: The Whippet is the ultimate sprinter, unsurpassed by any other breed in its ability to accelerate to top speed and to twist and turn with matchless dexterity.... something I am NOT.
The second Coco was let free she SPRINTED off after the nearest child.... her chosen victim was a small chinese boy that was happily flying a kite with his parents.
Coco would never harm a child, however she does like to taunt them by running up at about 35mph and at the.very.last.second changing direction. She didn't quite hit the chinese boy, however he did fall to the ground from sheer fear and then we suspect he pooped his pants. WHOOPS, my bad.
At this point the three of us jump up. Jemma and I are most definitely NOT sprinters, but WAIT... I realise we have Jamie with us - probably the fasted runner and keeno sportsman in my old school - he will catch Coco No problemo.
I was WRONG.
The three of us were hecticly running all round the picnic site trying to control this stupid dog. The only time Coco would slow was when she came across other dogs. AHHH an epiphany.
I went and stood next to a middle aged woman who had a rather dopey sheep dog - I pretty much used this woman and her old dog as bait. She understood my desperation thank god.
It worked. Coco was back on her lead and in our custody.
Unfortunately, it didn't end there. Coco had tasted freedom and she wanted more.
A few minutes later Coco ripped her lead out from under Jemma's bum.... we all leaped forward to catch it.... I grabbed hold of the ropey bit and as Coco bolted away I suffered the WORST ROPE BURN EVERRRRRR.
Each of my fingers on my left hand was on fire! No time to whimper in agony - Coco was running at high speeds across Richmond Park with her long length lead locked at full capacity and bouncing around behind her.
"JAMIE GET UP AND FUCKING RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!"
"COCCCCCCOOOOOOOOO"
If you are having trouble imagining the scene - watch this.
SO... Jamie and Jemma both went running after Coco for a second time. I had no shoes on and had refused to go BOUNDING across the park trampling in deer and rabbit (and chinese kid) poop. Consequently, both Jem and Jamie had given me their ciders to hold and I had no hands free.
The guys had managed to get Coco running in the opposite direction and back to the picnic mat.....DIRECTLY towards me in fact.
I faced a hard decision, do I:
A) Drop both ciders and literally THROW myself at the dog in the hope i catch her?
B) Keep hold of the ciders and go home to my brother empty handed (well... bar the cider) and dogless? - dramatic I know but it was looking likely at this point.
To be honest, I didn't have the time to make an informed decision.
Coco ran STRAIGHT into me... pretty much causing a similar 'Chinese boy' accident, minus the poop. SOMEHOW (seriously, god knows how) I had managed to catch the rogue Whippet in between my knees. I was restraining her with sheer muscle (YEAHHHHHH strength of a thousand men!).
I SCREAMED out to Jem and Jamie to get their asses over to me pronto.... I surely couldn't hold her for long.
WE HAD HER!!! It was a good moment, and BONUS I still had the ciders in hand.
We swiftly left the park, hanging our heads in shame at the palaver we had caused. Never to return (with Coco in tow) again.
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