Theft; A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it; and “thief” and “steal” shall be construed accordingly.

One of my most destructive nights began... yet again ....in Clapham.
My old school friends and I had been bar hopping along Northcote road. In one bar, we were in a top section which was pretty private. We were surrounded by glass shelving which had lots of full spirit bottles lined up on it. For some STUPID reason I genuinely believed these bottles would be filled with actual alcohol and were consequently there for the taking. WHAT A DOUCHE.
The result was - 1) A VERY broken glass shelf  2) An open bottle of fake Kir Royale which I attempted to down 3) empty and smashed glasses of wine on the table which I knocked over in this whole process 4) a very wet Jhono who was unfortunately in my path of destruction.

After we left said bar we went to a little newsagents - I am not too sure why but as a lemming I followed the majority. For some other STUPID reason I thought it would be funny to steal a bright yellow lighter and some Milk Chews. Riiiiiiiiight.
Really hope I don't get called in by the police for all these truths. 


The night was ending - SO quite wisely I figured I should nip to the loo before commencing my long journey home. When I came out each of my friends had dispersed. Oh Fan dabby dosey. Ok that's fine, I will find a bus stop and make my way home, one bus is not too difficult right?!? And after a previous bus disaster I KNEW to check I was taking the bus the right way.
Long story short. NO it is not that simple. I took the bus into London yet again. Got off as soon as I realised, was followed by a scary man, had some sobbing phone calls with Elena, updated my Facebook status so EVERYONE knew what a TWAT I am and hopped on a bus to Waterloo after much deliberation. The outcome.........

To sum up: Shut out of Waterloo. Stole some Coke and Brioche from the M&S van. Rang for a Taxi. When said Taxi arrived and the driver called me I hid behind the M&S crates, answered and pretended he had just woken me up (Ruddy Genius... ). Had the Brioche taken off my by the M&S man. Lost my coke in a bush. Got a hideously expensive Taxi to my brothers house and slept on the sofa with his Miniature Daschund snoring on me.

Elena's got it right.....